I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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