My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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