I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
