he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
