just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
