Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
