Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
