Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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