jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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