I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
