I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
