Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
