So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everything about him screamed your future.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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