it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
