am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
