Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
