Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
