Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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