After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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