the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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