We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
