no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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