i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
