Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
