I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
