Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You ruined the universe
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
