Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
