Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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