I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
