It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
