I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
