i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
