i jhust puked up my retainher.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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