New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
