proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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