Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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