Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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