I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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