if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize