You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize