so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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