I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
