he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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