The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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