I feel great
I just peed on a car
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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