I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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