im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
