he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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