i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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