I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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