I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
