I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
