I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
