bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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