apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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