Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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