So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
