Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
