Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
