oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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