I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
