do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize