i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
