Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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