It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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