We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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