Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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