Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
