she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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