Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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