Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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