so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Did you just see the Batmobile???
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
