Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
